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True Love

In Intimacy, Love, Relationships on July 30, 2010 at 3:21 pm

I have to say, I would love to be like the Huxtables. I wonder how they would classify their love. How would you classify yours?

Falling in Love – Have you ever had a dream where you feel like you are falling? After you jerk awake, there is always that moment where you make sure you’re ok. When you fall, you feel out of control. It’s an unnerving experience. ‘Falling in love’ is so aptly named because you get the same sense of losing or having no control. Falling in love refers to the overwhelming feelings that occur when your hormones kick in. Falling in love is the gateway to the other types of love. It’s the growing pains of love.

Infatuous Love – The ‘I need you around all the time’ love. You just can’t get enough of the other person. You want to spend every waking moment with them and it physically hurts to be away from them. The person becomes a chorus that plays in your head on a never-ending loop. You can’t remove it and you probably don’t want to.

Passionate Love – The never-ending flame. The burning desire to touch, kiss, and “love” someone. Passionate love is akin to infatuous love except that it embodies a deep physical desire. Rather than missing them while they are away, you miss how they make you feel physically when they are close. Many times passionate love and infatuous love go hand in hand, but for our purposes here, we will distinguish passionate love as physically oriented. When you ‘fall in love’, many times, what you are dealing with is the overwhelming physical desire of passionate love plus the deep emotional longing of infatuous love.

Romantic love – Here love is more about intimacy than passion. While passion exists, romantic love is based on trust and comfort more than desire and want. You know romantic love is in effect when you feel elated by being in the other persons presence. Rather than giving you a fix like passionate love, romantic love tends to put you at peace. Romantic love creates that ‘all is well with the world in this moment’ feeling. Romance is born out of emotional intimacy. It is nourished when two people believe they can be secure with each other. Being secure means you can provide support and be vulnerable in the same instant.

Familial Love – Love you feel for your family and friends. This love is usually unconditional and/or reciprocal.  It’s either or because sometimes we love family that isn’t very loving in return. It is usually both with friends because we tend to choose friends that support us in times of needs, guide us in times of turmoil, and advise us when we are up to no good. There is always less pressure to be perfect in familial love than in other types of love. It’s easy to love friends and family because most times you already feel accepted.

True Love  – Here love exists in a recipricol, beautiful balance. In order for true love to exist, there must be mutually acknowledged commitment. The partners involved have to consistently value the other person. To love anyone is to place value in them. When your valuing process wanes and dips in intensity it’s you, falling out of love. But it is a decision and not happenstance. True love doesn’t just happen. It is planted by your emotions, nourished by your actions, and harvested with appreciation. True love dies without continuous gardening. 

Perfect Love – This is true love’s goal. I am not sure it is attainable because it is difficult to love anyone, all the time, perfectly. I differentiate between true love and perfect love because I believe the former is a process by which we seek to attain the latter. In order for me to perfectly love, I have to be aware of everyone I come in contact with. I have to be aware of their real needs and their real motivations. If love is to be truly unconditional, than it can not be conditioned upon a specific person. I need to love everyone, including myself.  It is necessary to note that I would manifest love in a different manner to different people . Perfect love exists even when there is no reciprocal commitment from others. I don’t need you to love me in order for me to love you. I will just love you in a different form so that I am still able to love myself.

Perfect love is having a loving nature. On the other hand, true love is having a committed, loving relationship. The first speaks of every action you take, period. The second speaks of every action you take towards a specific person. I think while perfect love is an ideal, true love is a decision. Every other type of love are events along the way. You can be truly in love with someone and still experience the other types of love. True love does not mean a lack of passion or romance. 

So the real question to ask is “Have I decided to truly love my partner now that I have fallen in love with them”.

 Swag 

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