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Posts Tagged ‘First Impression’

Being the Wing(wo)man

In Compatibility on March 2, 2011 at 3:48 pm

  written by Sway

tyra.com

I just realized recently that out of the majority of my friends, I am one of the only ones that is in a relationship. Times that were once spent going on double and triple dates with my man in tow, are now just my man and I or us surrounded by a group of single friends.

And by all means, I have no problem with it. There have been times in the past where I was one of the few single people in my circle so it’s not that big of deal to me.

So it seems that having the “booed up” status has automatically earned me the new title of wingman…ahem wing woman for my friends when we go out. And though I don’t feel like the expert, I thought I’d write some tips on how to be the perfect wing woman based off of my experiences. Note: These tips are not gender specific and can be applied to wingmen also.

BE ENCOURAGING– So you’re out and about and one of your friends sees someone they find attractive but may not feel comfortable approaching them. Encourage them to talk to them! And if they are too shy, remember that’s what you are there for…lol.

CONFIDENCE IS KEY-Maybe you aren’t normally assertive or outgoing when it comes to approaching the opposite sex, but if you plan on being a wingwoman, you have to let shyness go by the waistside. There’s no way to get someone’s attention or make a memorable impression on someone if you don’t have that initial confidence.

KNOW YOUR ROLE– If you are single, avoid being greedy, and trying to steal someone away from your friend. That defeats the whole purpose of being a wingwoman in the first place. Know your purpose! You are aiding your friend in their romantic pursuits, not in your own (and if you are taken, you should be ashamed of yourself).

FILL IN THE BLANKS– You know, it’s funny. I’ve realized that there has to be a certain balance when it comes to playing the wingwoman. You are there to come in where your friend may fall short and you want to get the interest of your friend’s conquest, but not so much so that they are more interested in you than her. I know that there is no way of preventing someone being attracted to you over your friend, but keeping your friend as the main focus when breaking the ice with her conquest should help you to draw a clear line in showing them what your motives are. Your duty as a wingwoman isn’t to knock your friend out of the limelight and steal her shine, it’s to present her in the most appealing way possible. Which leads me to this next point…

DON’T OVER-DO IT-You want to present her in the most appealing way possible but that doesn’t mean going on and on rattling off a list of her life accomplishments. You are not a used car salesman, so please don’t try and sell your friend to her conquest. If they are interested in her, they will be open to your approach. If not,  move on. Think of yourself as her recruiter, not her spokesperson. Your job is to recruit, introduce, and let things happen from there.

KNOW WHEN TO PULL OUT-(That’s what she said?)<PAUSE> The introduction is made between your friend and her conquest. If they are hitting it off quite well, then that’s when you know you can dust your shoulders off for a job well done. There’s no need in lurking around unless you ALL are having a good time. So it’s up to you to gage when three is a crowd. But let’s just say she’s not feeling him after a while and doesn’t have the courage to tell him? Feel free to assist in removing herself from the situation. If your friend seems stuck, give her lines to get out. Her saying she “needs to get back to her friends” as a reason to cut her conversation short with her now ex-conquest is acceptable. There is absolutely nothing wrong using your friends as an excuse!

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The Power of First Impressions

In Relationships on November 2, 2010 at 2:01 pm
 written by Sway
  
 

When they said first impressions make lasting impressions they were definitely not lying!  There have been some people I’ve met and have been so turned off by their first impression, that I never developed a friendship with them. But to counter that, I can admit to having weird first impressions of some of my now very good friends. It’s ironic because I can think of a couple people that seemed to have bad attitudes upon first meeting them that are now very close friends.

 

So how did they end up becoming my friends after leaving a weird taste in my mouth off the bat? We had several opportunities to get to know each other. Opportunities is the key word. When looking back, I realized that I met all of these friends in a college setting. And this meant everything.  The few years I was in school provided many opportunities for anyone to gradually debunk first thoughts or change my mind on how I initially felt about them. The time gave me a chance to see how they were in different settings, converse with them, and get accustomed to all of their idiosyncrasies. This process made me like them 10 times more than I did when first meeting them.

 
 
 
But after the graduation is over and school becomes something of the past, things become drastically different. You realize you have to work a bit harder to meet new friends. You get a job and may get a bunch of new work buddies which is cool. But meeting  new potential friends outside of your inner circle and co-workers will take more effort, which, in turn, means your first impression is twice as important.

 

I’ve realized that in “adult life” people don’t get many chances to make up for giving a bad first impression. There are so many possible situations where someone will only get that one opportunity to make a great impression because they never know when they will see someone again. For instance, at my job, I meet up to 15 new people a day, so I constantly have to be aware of what impression I am giving off. And because of this, I’ve paid more attention to energy people give me. Looking back at my experiences, I can admit to being less tolerant of dealing with people who have given me a questionable first impression no matter the environment.

When it comes to dating and meeting someone of interest, first impressions can be deal breakers. How you initially present yourself to the opposite sex not only sets the tone for the second encounter, but can determine if there will be a second encounter in the first place.

Be sure to keep these things  in mind for making a memorable, positive impression.

Remember, sometimes you will only get one shot to show someone what you are about!

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Relationship Desperation

In Courting, Love on September 21, 2010 at 9:00 am

written by Sway

 

 

Meeting someone who enjoys you as much as you do them, has time for you, and is ultra compatible with you sounds like a dream right? While, these factors are needed for any successful relationship, they can also be signs that the person you are dating has relationship desperation. So how can you tell if the qualities of the person you’re seeing stem from desperation? Check out the acronym for DESPERATION below for a better understanding:

Determined to find Mr./Mrs. Right by yesterday – This person has one mission in mind and that mission is to find a significant other. They are on the hunt for this person much like they would search for a job!

Eager to have a significant other, even if that person isn’t very compatible – Once this person starts dating you, they try to dismiss all red flags (look here and here for examples) or anything that would show them that they aren’t compatible with you. If they do acknowledge any flags, they will justify them because they want to believe that you are right for them, despite knowing deep down inside that you aren’t.

Spends excessive amounts of money on youThey may buy you expensive gifts or want to take you on romantic vacations early on in the relationship or while you are still in the dating stage. They use material items as a distraction to try to lure you in, emotionally. This in turn shows that they are trying to over compensate for the relationship. They use these gifts as a substitute for any genuine emotional attachment from you.

Something's definitely not right if you receive a car after a month of dating!

Presumptuous with actions – They will assume everything means something because they want it to. Going on a couple dates to them means that sooner rather than later you’ll want to enter a relationship with them, when all along you could just be trying to get to know them and have a good time. They also take anything you say and twist it to mean whatever they want it mean. Example:

You say: “I liked hanging out with you, we should do it again soon.”

They think: “He/she really likes me, maybe I should make it official soon.” (Okay this may be a stretch, but you get the idea)

Excessive dater – This person’s little black book is bursting at the seams with numbers and everyone in it is someone who either is a “prospect” or someone they may have tried to take things further with in the past. No sooner than when they are coming home from a first date are they trying to schedule date #2, 3, and 4. Once they realize the person they are seeing doesn’t want to take things further they are on to the next one.

Relentlessly tries to keep in touch with you – And oftentimes they do it at inappropriate times. They may call, first thing in the morning, consistently to have a conversation. Or they call/text excessively, multiple times a day, to talk to you or to “check on you”. This is also a sign of insecurity so beware.

Aggressive behavior – They will stress how much they like or care for you early in the relationship and impose those feelings on you (Heaven forbid they tell you that they love you before your 4th date!) They see no reason to wait to meet your family or for you to wait to meet theirs. They may seem pushy or controlling when it comes to your emotions and feelings.  They not only want to be included in your social circle, but in all aspects of your life.

Thirsty for a companionship – This person becomes attached to you very quickly. They thrive off your companionship early on in dating and want to see you everyday. They want you to adjust their schedule so that it always includes you and expect you to do the same.

Insistent on making long-term plans prematurely – They suggest doing things that long-term couples do, like going on trips alone (Bed and Breakfast weekend getaways anyone?), always going on romantic fancy dinners, or even you spending the night with them upon first dating. They are so quick to jump into relationship mode with you that they may subconsciously and automatically start thinking you guys are already in a relationship and will begin to treat you like they would a bf or gf.

Overly nice and a people pleaser – They agree with you on everything, not only to avoid argument, but because they believe it will make you like them more. They don’t want any conflicts to develop so that it seems you are both compatible with each other.

Needy of your time and emotions –  They always want to see you. And on the emotional front, you always seem to find them asking you how you feel about them or the relationship. Insecurity drives their need for consistent reassurance about your feelings for them.

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Penetrate Me

In First Date, Relationships on July 21, 2010 at 2:35 pm


The Theory of Social Penetration: The process by which two people willingly and repeatedly reveal more intimate details about themselves through meaningful conversation. Upon first meeting, conversations usually contain very superficial references like the weather, a shared observation, or a query into the other’s past weekend.

Subconsciously, we all use social penetration theory to our own advantage. We reveal as much personal information to others as we feel befits that particular relationship. Be it an acquaintance, a supervisor, a friend, a lover, or a family member, the level of info volunteered defines the relationship.

It’s been scientifically proven that when people first meet they will like each other more if they are able to speak about more intimate topics. Everyone has had that superficial conversation where the topic never bleeds past the cordial. Isn’t it awkward as hell when you can’t seem to keep the conversation going. It just sputters along like a car stalling out in first gear.

To be more likable, have better conversation skills, make more friends or even have better first dates use these simple social penetration techniques.

1) Openers: To open a conversation it only requires an attentive eye. The key here is sincerity. You have to seem/be sincerely interested into something the other person relates to (a noticable possession usually works well). Find something on or around your intended target and comment on it with sincerity.
Example: I’m feeling your shoes. Where did you get them from?

2) Reflectors: To keep a person talking, reflect back what they are saying. Paraphrase and/or attempt to deduce their meaning. The reflection technique shows them that you are listening. If you are able to deduce meaning, they will automatically feel a connection to you. It means that you get them and that’s GOLD  in terms of first impressions.
Example:
They Say – It took me forever to find these shoes.
You Say – You must have really wanted them to keep looking for so long. (You are paraphrasing their statement about their shoe search and deducing that they really wanted the shoes.

3) Segues: Make sure you change the topic of conversation before it goes stale, you will need to stay in control while still showing interest. Segues are a great way to penetrate into more intimate/personal topics.
Example: You seem to really know what you want in life. It makes me wonder what you do for a living.

4) Closers: Keep control of the conversation. Don’t let it sputter out. The best way to show a person you are interested and keep them interested is to end the conversation on your terms. I know this may sound odd but really this is to leave them wanting more before their excitement dies down.
Example: I really enjoyed this and wouldn’t mind continuing this later. Would you mind if we exchanged contact info and grab a coffee sometime.

People liked to be liked. If you are sincerely interested in someone, it shows. For those times when your conversation skills seem to be lacking, try one of the above techniques and see where you end up.

Swag

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Impressive Attire – Shoes

In Attraction, Relationships on July 20, 2010 at 8:54 pm

You can tell a lot about a man just by looking at his shoes. Like a car, the make, model, and overall cleanliness of your shoe game can make or break a first impression. Shoes are just as important as a hand shake.

If you are fresh out of college, then this article is for you. If you are moving up the corporate ladder, then this article is for you. If you are a budding entrepreneur, looking to woo investors, then this article is for you. And ladies, if you are looking for a birthday present for your boyfriend or just simply trying to step his game up, then this article is also for you.

Below is a first impression guide to footwear, broken down by shoe type:

Sneakers – (necessary colors: blacked out & crisp white)

Fresh Kicks

KickOnFire.com

– Appropriate Wear: Anytime after work, on the weekends, and always before 10pm (We don’t want to mess these up at the club).
– Impression: I can be casual and stylish without taking myself too seriously.

Busted Kicks

Oh4PetesSake.com

– Appropriate Wear: On the basketball court, at the gym, or a quick trip to the corner store
– Impression: I’m busy and I don’t care; I’m bout to put some work in and I needn’t be bothered.

Dress Shoes – (necessary colors: black, burgundy, & tan)

Fresh Classics


Appropriate Wear: Basically anywhere that requires business casual or business formal (this includes wearing slacks)

Impression: I am about my business and my business comes easy to me.

Busted Classics

– Appropriate Wear: Never!! Please retire these bad boys. You are only doing yourself a disservice. It’s almost as bad as showing up in a suit with a pair of All Star Converse on your feet (AKA chucks).
– Impression: I probably only have one pair of dress shoes and they rarely come out the closet. My business never actually occurs in a business setting.

None of this is to say you are what you wear. A good personality can easily overcome a bad first impression, but sometimes a first impression is the only one you will ever get the chance make.

Take a look at the guide below to further your impression management skills and up your shoe game in the process.

AskMen.com – 5 Dress Shoe Styles
Creative Recreation Kicks

Swag

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