Love Living, Quit Hating, Everyone Relating

Posts Tagged ‘Dating’

Sway’s First Date Do’s and Don’ts for Girls

In Courting, First Date on October 18, 2010 at 11:57 am
written by Sway
 

kimhess.com

 
 Ladies, when it comes to first dates, guys do pay attention more than you think.  They look at how you act, your appearance, and try to gauge if you are compatible with them, which is why first impressions are so crucial. A date is supposed to be fun but also your time to get better acquainted with someone you may be attracted to. 

Though guys do have the pressure of bringing their A-game to a first date, that doesn’t mean us females are exempt from doing the same. So here’s the list of Do’s and Don’ts when it comes to a first date (or any date for that matter).

DON’TS:

Don’t be late.

Don’t complain about the date. Especially if your date is trying really hard to make you happy. If the date is that bad, then just don’t go out with that person again.

Don’t take forever when excusing yourself to go to the bathroom.

Don’t spend all night texting and answering calls. If you have to take a call, always excuse yourself. And don’t keep your date waiting long, it’s rude!

Don’t wear too much make-up or be a “cake-face” as I’d call it. Keep the facades to a minimum.

Don’t be self conscious about ordering real food. Guys like it when they see a girl can enjoy a full meal.

Don’t interview your date. Let the conversation flow naturally.

Don’t ask about his exes or anything too serious that could hinder a good date aura.

Don’t get drunk! Save that for the 3rd date (I kid, I kid..lol).

Don’t kiss your date if the moment isn’t right or if you are not ready.

Don’t curse like a sailor. It’s not lady-like and most guys don’t think it’s attractive.

Don’t have sex on the first date.

Don’t talk about marriage. Just.save.that.for.later….waay later.

Don’t try too hard to be someone you’re not. Just be yourself!

 

DO’S:

Do try to get an idea of what you will be doing on the date so you can know how to dress. If you’re still unsure, a dress or nice fitting dark jeans, a pretty top, and heels will do the trick.

Do compliment your date.

Do wear your favorite scent. One spritz on the neck ,wrist, and hair- maximum!

Do show your personality. This is one of the reasons he asked you out.

Do be open to something new if he has planned a date that’s out-of-the-box.

Do allow him pay for the date, hold your door, and do all the other gentlemanly things guys do.

Do carry and use breath mints. You don’t want a dirty mouth!

Do personable, friendly, and engaging. A date should be something that’s fun, not a chore.

Do let your date know when you’re having a good time and if you’d like to see him again.

Do be open minded. You never know how things could turn out if you give someone or something new a chance.

D0 dress to impress. No matter where you go for your date, show that you put some effort into your appearance.

Do make it a point to have a good time and all should go well.  😉

Note: If there are some important Do’s and Don’ts I’ve missed, feel free to post them in the comment section!

CLICK HERE FOR PREVIOUS POSTS

Sway’s First Date Do’s and Don’ts for Guys

In Courting, First Date on October 13, 2010 at 11:45 am
 written by Sway

gothamist.com

I get it guys, you have a lot of pressure when it comes to the first date. First you have to ask the girl out, then hope she says yes, and then plan a night so fun-filled that she’ll anticipate another.

That’s a lot going on right there.

To take a little pressure off of you guys, remember that the first date is not about just doing something or going somewhere to impress a girl and make her like you more. It’s your time to get better acquainted with someone you are attracted to and also decide if you’d like to continue getting to know her. But at the end of the day, you do want to put your best foot forward.  So with that in mind, I’ve taken the liberty of compiling a list of Do’s and Don’ts when it comes to a first date (or any date for that matter).

DON’TS:

Don’t be late.

Don’t just take a girl to a movie. How do you expect to get to know her after 2 hours of watching a screen?

Don’t order her dinner for her unless she insists.

Don’t be overly affectionate. You’re going to scare the girl. If you are like that on the first date, how would she expect you to be on the third or fourth?

Don’t talk about your exes, or anything negative (like all your struggles you went through after your parents’ divorce when you were younger). Keep the conversation light enough so that you enjoy it. But not so light that you aren’t getting to know one another. Find a happy medium.

Don’t ask about her exes.

Don’t have a dirty mouth!

Don’t kiss your date unless the timing is right.

Don’t try to get her drunk.

Don’t get drunk yourself. That’s not only sloppy, but a horrible first impression.

Don’t dress inappropriately. If you tell your date to dress semi formal that means you do the same. Word to the wise: wearing Adidas trainers with a button up shirt and slacks is NOT semi-formal.

Don’t answer calls and continuously text while on the date. It’s one of the most inconsiderate things you can do. If you have to pick up a call, excuse yourself to handle the call and come back in a timely matter.

Don’t pressure your date to do anything she isn’t comfortable doing.

Don’t stare at other girls while you’re with your date. If you every girl that walks by catches your attention that quickly then you shouldn’t even be on a date…obviously!

Don’t try too hard. Just be yourself!

 

DO’S:

Do be chivalrous. This means walk on the outside of the sidewalk, open the car door, help her put her jacket on, etc.

Do pay for the bill unless you and your date have already decided to go dutch.

Do bring flowers for the simple fact that it’s a nice, inexpensive, thoughtful gesture.

Do get an idea of what she likes to eat/do before the date. You don’t want to end up taking a vegan to a steakhouse.

Do plan something different from the run of the mill type of date. It shows that you can think outside the box (us girls love creativity).

Do compliment your date.

Do tell your date how she should dress before the date: like casual, semi-formal, etc. If you want to keep what your doing on the date a surprise, at least give her an idea of what to bring or wear. (Ex: if you chose to go ice skating, telling her to wear jeans would be ideal)

Do actively listen to her, pay attention, ask questions, and be engaged.

Do put on a couple of spritz’s of your favorite cologne before the date. Keep in mind, you don’t want to smell like you took a bath in your scent.

Do call her after the date (at least the next day or day after) to set up plans for another date if you want to see her again.

Do have fun, laugh, and be personable and all should go well.  😉

Note: If there are some important Do’s and Don’ts I’ve missed, feel free to post them in the comment section!

CLICK HERE FOR PREVIOUS POSTS

Relationship Desperation

In Courting, Love on September 21, 2010 at 9:00 am

written by Sway

 

 

Meeting someone who enjoys you as much as you do them, has time for you, and is ultra compatible with you sounds like a dream right? While, these factors are needed for any successful relationship, they can also be signs that the person you are dating has relationship desperation. So how can you tell if the qualities of the person you’re seeing stem from desperation? Check out the acronym for DESPERATION below for a better understanding:

Determined to find Mr./Mrs. Right by yesterday – This person has one mission in mind and that mission is to find a significant other. They are on the hunt for this person much like they would search for a job!

Eager to have a significant other, even if that person isn’t very compatible – Once this person starts dating you, they try to dismiss all red flags (look here and here for examples) or anything that would show them that they aren’t compatible with you. If they do acknowledge any flags, they will justify them because they want to believe that you are right for them, despite knowing deep down inside that you aren’t.

Spends excessive amounts of money on youThey may buy you expensive gifts or want to take you on romantic vacations early on in the relationship or while you are still in the dating stage. They use material items as a distraction to try to lure you in, emotionally. This in turn shows that they are trying to over compensate for the relationship. They use these gifts as a substitute for any genuine emotional attachment from you.

Something's definitely not right if you receive a car after a month of dating!

Presumptuous with actions – They will assume everything means something because they want it to. Going on a couple dates to them means that sooner rather than later you’ll want to enter a relationship with them, when all along you could just be trying to get to know them and have a good time. They also take anything you say and twist it to mean whatever they want it mean. Example:

You say: “I liked hanging out with you, we should do it again soon.”

They think: “He/she really likes me, maybe I should make it official soon.” (Okay this may be a stretch, but you get the idea)

Excessive dater – This person’s little black book is bursting at the seams with numbers and everyone in it is someone who either is a “prospect” or someone they may have tried to take things further with in the past. No sooner than when they are coming home from a first date are they trying to schedule date #2, 3, and 4. Once they realize the person they are seeing doesn’t want to take things further they are on to the next one.

Relentlessly tries to keep in touch with you – And oftentimes they do it at inappropriate times. They may call, first thing in the morning, consistently to have a conversation. Or they call/text excessively, multiple times a day, to talk to you or to “check on you”. This is also a sign of insecurity so beware.

Aggressive behavior – They will stress how much they like or care for you early in the relationship and impose those feelings on you (Heaven forbid they tell you that they love you before your 4th date!) They see no reason to wait to meet your family or for you to wait to meet theirs. They may seem pushy or controlling when it comes to your emotions and feelings.  They not only want to be included in your social circle, but in all aspects of your life.

Thirsty for a companionship – This person becomes attached to you very quickly. They thrive off your companionship early on in dating and want to see you everyday. They want you to adjust their schedule so that it always includes you and expect you to do the same.

Insistent on making long-term plans prematurely – They suggest doing things that long-term couples do, like going on trips alone (Bed and Breakfast weekend getaways anyone?), always going on romantic fancy dinners, or even you spending the night with them upon first dating. They are so quick to jump into relationship mode with you that they may subconsciously and automatically start thinking you guys are already in a relationship and will begin to treat you like they would a bf or gf.

Overly nice and a people pleaser – They agree with you on everything, not only to avoid argument, but because they believe it will make you like them more. They don’t want any conflicts to develop so that it seems you are both compatible with each other.

Needy of your time and emotions –  They always want to see you. And on the emotional front, you always seem to find them asking you how you feel about them or the relationship. Insecurity drives their need for consistent reassurance about your feelings for them.

CLICK HERE FOR PREVIOUS POSTS

The Art in My Dating Past

In Relationships on September 16, 2010 at 8:00 am
written by Swag
 
Who we are, as lovers, is partially dependent upon how we interpret our dating history. Even if someone has hurt us, it’s a detriment to repress our memory of that person. We don’t need to continue communicating with them in order to appreciate what they have done for us (or to us). Our previous partners give us the ability to design better relationship templates, to become Michelangelo and create more inspiring works of art between ourselves and our future loved ones. We are the masters of our love lives, sailing our hearts through seas of tumultuous passion.
Frontispiece of Old Peter's Russian Tales - Pr...

Image via Wikipedia

I am very much aware of how my past girlfriends have affected my current dating choices. In high school, how healthy, aware or communicative a girl could be didn’t matter in the least. Every experience was so new that I just went with the flow. Kiss first and ask questions later. It was so easy to be care free, mainly because I didn’t have the experience needed to make wiser decisions. Wisdom always came later.

I have had three serious relationships (not including my current one) and I have dated a number of women. In my mind, each one was like a detail, chiseled into my ideal. I was a sculptor, refining my masterpiece. Combined, they became my muse, inspiring my greatest achievement. My Sistine Chapel was in its earliest stages, not yet as glorious as my heart intended because my mind had yet to conceive its completion.

Each person I dated was a tool on my workbench. Each girl or woman had a purpose. Changing this color. Modifying that image. Eliminating that idea. Nothing was permanent as I invested myself and my emotions into each relationship with varying degrees.

The Spinning Dancer is a kinetic, bistable opt...

Image via Wikipedia

– One of my first crushes was a track star…I loved those legs, those abs, that physique…check, put athleticism on the list and yes a dancer will do.

– I’ve always dated women who aren’t afraid to be themselves in front of new people. They are the center of attention, not because they needed the attention but because that’s just who they were…extrovert it is then.

– I’ll never again date a girl who tells me everything in order to talk about nothing. I need to know how to love my lady so she must be secure enough with herself to let me in….Self-esteem and security sound like good ingredients

– They say cancer is a water sign, well I like my water still and calm under the night sky. I can’t do the emotional pendulum, swinging from one extreme to the next. We need to be able to argue like adults….Level headedness and effective communication will do.

I believe in the past as an indicator of the future. It’s well written within the halls of yesteryear what I am and am not compatible with. I try to hold dear the idea of my partner as an improvement on the past because if she isn’t, then I probably haven’t learned my lesson yet. Love is an art form not blessed upon the masses. It is given only to those who work at their craft and hone their skills. I hope my dating past helps me compose a sonnet of love that sings for a lifetime.

CLICK HERE FOR PREVIOUS POSTS

Leading People On

In Attraction, Hate on September 9, 2010 at 1:56 pm

 written by Sway

But what? Wait...do you REALLY love him?/stylescientist.blogspot.com

Let’s keep it real ladies and gentlemen, it is cool to know when someone likes you. Finding out that someone thinks about you or wants you makes you feel good inside and can instantly boost your ego. But what you do when you discover someone has taken more interest in you than you have in them is important. You can do one of two options:

1) be an adult about the situation and express to the person how you really feel.

2) choose to lead them on with actions that don’t match your feelings.

Some may look at these two options as lose-lose situations.  Depending on the depth of their feelings for you, doing numero uno can cause unwanted drama and tension between you two. And doing the second option only digs you into a deep hole of deceit that you will have to find a way out of later.

So which one seems like the lesser of two evils…..Hhmmmm?

Clearly the answer is number 1. If you are in this sort of situation first ask yourself why you are leading this person on? Based on my experiences, there were only two reasons why I’ve done this in the past.

The first reason was I was bored with my dating life. There have been several occasions where I wasn’t really thrilled with my rotation of Time Fillers so I felt the need to add guys to the roster that really didn’t serve me any purpose but paying me attention.

The second and more likely reason, was because I was hurt. Hurt people hurt people, and most times I was hurting because I was still getting over a past relationship/break up. I’ve realized that the more hurt I was, the more likely I was to lead someone new in my life on, to fill the void and my broken heart.

At the end of the day, it all came down to me wanting attention. I wasn’t happy with my current dating situation and spending time with someone who was interested in me, made me feel better about it. But in actuality, once I realized someone felt more for me than I did them, there honestly wasn’t any good reason to keep them around because they would always expect more from the situation than I was willing to give. The mere act of us hanging out , came across as a sign that I liked them when it wasn’t the case. This was reason enough to consider letting them know the deal.  And when I actually did it, it was refreshing.

The cons: Yes, it was hard for me to have the conversation with the guy because it was difficult for me to figure out a way to let him know how I felt without coming across inconsiderate or mean. And yes, his feelings did get hurt. 

Here are the pros: I avoided hurting his feelings more, by having the conversation as soon as I realized how he felt. The conversation would have been ten times harder had I let it go on for too long. And eventually I would have had to find excuses for why I wouldn’t want to hang with him because it would have gotten to a point where I would be going through the motions. And probably the most beneficial pro would be that now that he knew where I stood, we could stop wasting time and use the time we were spending with each other to spend it with people who liked us just as much as we liked them.

So whenever you find yourself in this situation, just step up to the plate and tell them you only see them as a friend. If you’ve tried telling them how you feel based off actions alone and they still don’t get the hint, remember that this can be one of those situations where words speak louder than actions. In turn, you will really be saving yourself from a lot of unnecessary drama in the future. And if you feel bad about it,  just think of it as you doing a favor for both you and the other person. 🙂 

CLICK HERE FOR PREVIOUS POSTS

The Definition of a Time Filler

In Relationships on July 20, 2010 at 9:45 pm

"The Bachelor" Jake Pavelka & his conquests celebrityfluxzero.blogspot.com

You know when you are single and there are multiple people you are entertaining, playing the field with, or talking to? I’ve come up with a name for these people. These people you are juggling are your time fillers.

Ahh the time fillers…the fillers of time. The definition is pretty self explanatory. It’s someone of the opposite sex who you chill or hang out with, to help pass the time. Time fillers are multiple people you have in rotation between the post and pre-relationship period.

My friend and I used to have a running joke that we were “coaches” and each of our time fillers were “players” on our “team”. Just like each “player” plays a different position, each time filler serves their own purpose and time depending on what role they play for you. Here are the different kinds of time fillers I have come across:

The Conversationalist

This person is the one you can chat it up with. This is the easiest time filler to have without them living in your vicinity. The conversationalist can even be someone that lives in the next town over or across the country. This time filler can be much like a best friend in the way you both are like minded, can talk about a variety of topics (i.e. dreams, goals, wants, likes, dislikes, etc) and love each others’ conversation. You may even feel comfortable calling them up just to vent (sometimes about other time fillers, if you are really comfortable with them!). This person most likely provides the type of intellectual conversation you may be attracted to if nothing else.

The Hang Out Buddy

The Hang Out Buddy is simply that. This is a person who you may have some attraction to but things never get past the flirtation zone. The Hang Out Buddy is your personal “back up plan”–usually the one you can count on when the other time fillers aren’t available. You two go different places together that may look like dates to an outsider: movies, dinner, Six Flags, concerts, etc. You know you don’t have to try too hard around this person because you two have reached a certain comfort level with each other from hanging out so much.

The Cuddle Buddy aka The Sleepover Buddy

The Cuddle Buddy is one who you have more of a physical attraction to. You hang with this person like you would with the Hang Out Buddy but there is more of a chance that the night with them continues well after the outing. You feel comfortable being in their presence and your physical intimacy almost makes it seem like you two were in a relationship. Depending on the level of intimacy you two share, this person may be one notch away from being a Cut Buddy.

The Cut Buddy aka Mr. or Miss Overnight Bag

This may be the most well known type of Time Filler, most commonly known as “friend with benefits”. This is the person who you are the most sexually attracted to. The physical sparks between you and this person are electrifying. As a result, this person is probably called upon only when you have that “certain” physical need or desire. It has become regular practice to meet up with this them, overnight bag in tow and there are no surprises because they know the drill.

Because the Cuddle Buddy and Cut Buddy are so closely related, they could be the same person. Also out of all the types of time fillers, this is the one that has the highest chance of ending up in messy territory. Good boundaries will need to be declared before hand, just in case one person starts to expect more from the situation than the other (good boundaries are much definitely easier said than done).

But in all honesty, any one of these time fillers types can overlap into another. Your Cut Buddy could easily be your Conversationalist. Your Cuddle Buddy could mix the qualities of the Conversationalist and the Hang Out Buddy. On the flip side, your Cut Buddy could be just a Cut Buddy. Although, in my experiences I’ve found that the my time fillers usually served more than one purpose/category.

With that said, it’s beneficial to have more than one time filler. Depending on one person to be everything for you could lead a to situations where you catch heavy feelings and eventually want more of a commitment or relationship with them (or vice versa). And we all know there’s nothing worse than wanting someone when they only see you as a buddy. Remember the idea of having time fillers is not to play people and hurt feelings. The idea is that you are single, secure, and NOT looking for a relationship. You just want to enjoy time spent with people that are compatible with you in different ways.

Ladies and gentlemen, in a perfect situation, you would have a complete “team” with every “position” filled. When you are dating, there is nothing wrong with having different people to be entertained by until you are ready for a relationship and meet the person that can be everything you want all in one. 🙂

Sway

CLICK HERE FOR PREVIOUS POSTS

%d bloggers like this: