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Posts Tagged ‘conversation’

The Power of First Impressions

In Relationships on November 2, 2010 at 2:01 pm
 written by Sway
  
 

When they said first impressions make lasting impressions they were definitely not lying!  There have been some people I’ve met and have been so turned off by their first impression, that I never developed a friendship with them. But to counter that, I can admit to having weird first impressions of some of my now very good friends. It’s ironic because I can think of a couple people that seemed to have bad attitudes upon first meeting them that are now very close friends.

 

So how did they end up becoming my friends after leaving a weird taste in my mouth off the bat? We had several opportunities to get to know each other. Opportunities is the key word. When looking back, I realized that I met all of these friends in a college setting. And this meant everything.  The few years I was in school provided many opportunities for anyone to gradually debunk first thoughts or change my mind on how I initially felt about them. The time gave me a chance to see how they were in different settings, converse with them, and get accustomed to all of their idiosyncrasies. This process made me like them 10 times more than I did when first meeting them.

 
 
 
But after the graduation is over and school becomes something of the past, things become drastically different. You realize you have to work a bit harder to meet new friends. You get a job and may get a bunch of new work buddies which is cool. But meeting  new potential friends outside of your inner circle and co-workers will take more effort, which, in turn, means your first impression is twice as important.

 

I’ve realized that in “adult life” people don’t get many chances to make up for giving a bad first impression. There are so many possible situations where someone will only get that one opportunity to make a great impression because they never know when they will see someone again. For instance, at my job, I meet up to 15 new people a day, so I constantly have to be aware of what impression I am giving off. And because of this, I’ve paid more attention to energy people give me. Looking back at my experiences, I can admit to being less tolerant of dealing with people who have given me a questionable first impression no matter the environment.

When it comes to dating and meeting someone of interest, first impressions can be deal breakers. How you initially present yourself to the opposite sex not only sets the tone for the second encounter, but can determine if there will be a second encounter in the first place.

Be sure to keep these things  in mind for making a memorable, positive impression.

Remember, sometimes you will only get one shot to show someone what you are about!

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Leading People On

In Attraction, Hate on September 9, 2010 at 1:56 pm

 written by Sway

But what? Wait...do you REALLY love him?/stylescientist.blogspot.com

Let’s keep it real ladies and gentlemen, it is cool to know when someone likes you. Finding out that someone thinks about you or wants you makes you feel good inside and can instantly boost your ego. But what you do when you discover someone has taken more interest in you than you have in them is important. You can do one of two options:

1) be an adult about the situation and express to the person how you really feel.

2) choose to lead them on with actions that don’t match your feelings.

Some may look at these two options as lose-lose situations.  Depending on the depth of their feelings for you, doing numero uno can cause unwanted drama and tension between you two. And doing the second option only digs you into a deep hole of deceit that you will have to find a way out of later.

So which one seems like the lesser of two evils…..Hhmmmm?

Clearly the answer is number 1. If you are in this sort of situation first ask yourself why you are leading this person on? Based on my experiences, there were only two reasons why I’ve done this in the past.

The first reason was I was bored with my dating life. There have been several occasions where I wasn’t really thrilled with my rotation of Time Fillers so I felt the need to add guys to the roster that really didn’t serve me any purpose but paying me attention.

The second and more likely reason, was because I was hurt. Hurt people hurt people, and most times I was hurting because I was still getting over a past relationship/break up. I’ve realized that the more hurt I was, the more likely I was to lead someone new in my life on, to fill the void and my broken heart.

At the end of the day, it all came down to me wanting attention. I wasn’t happy with my current dating situation and spending time with someone who was interested in me, made me feel better about it. But in actuality, once I realized someone felt more for me than I did them, there honestly wasn’t any good reason to keep them around because they would always expect more from the situation than I was willing to give. The mere act of us hanging out , came across as a sign that I liked them when it wasn’t the case. This was reason enough to consider letting them know the deal.  And when I actually did it, it was refreshing.

The cons: Yes, it was hard for me to have the conversation with the guy because it was difficult for me to figure out a way to let him know how I felt without coming across inconsiderate or mean. And yes, his feelings did get hurt. 

Here are the pros: I avoided hurting his feelings more, by having the conversation as soon as I realized how he felt. The conversation would have been ten times harder had I let it go on for too long. And eventually I would have had to find excuses for why I wouldn’t want to hang with him because it would have gotten to a point where I would be going through the motions. And probably the most beneficial pro would be that now that he knew where I stood, we could stop wasting time and use the time we were spending with each other to spend it with people who liked us just as much as we liked them.

So whenever you find yourself in this situation, just step up to the plate and tell them you only see them as a friend. If you’ve tried telling them how you feel based off actions alone and they still don’t get the hint, remember that this can be one of those situations where words speak louder than actions. In turn, you will really be saving yourself from a lot of unnecessary drama in the future. And if you feel bad about it,  just think of it as you doing a favor for both you and the other person. 🙂 

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Penetrate Me

In First Date, Relationships on July 21, 2010 at 2:35 pm


The Theory of Social Penetration: The process by which two people willingly and repeatedly reveal more intimate details about themselves through meaningful conversation. Upon first meeting, conversations usually contain very superficial references like the weather, a shared observation, or a query into the other’s past weekend.

Subconsciously, we all use social penetration theory to our own advantage. We reveal as much personal information to others as we feel befits that particular relationship. Be it an acquaintance, a supervisor, a friend, a lover, or a family member, the level of info volunteered defines the relationship.

It’s been scientifically proven that when people first meet they will like each other more if they are able to speak about more intimate topics. Everyone has had that superficial conversation where the topic never bleeds past the cordial. Isn’t it awkward as hell when you can’t seem to keep the conversation going. It just sputters along like a car stalling out in first gear.

To be more likable, have better conversation skills, make more friends or even have better first dates use these simple social penetration techniques.

1) Openers: To open a conversation it only requires an attentive eye. The key here is sincerity. You have to seem/be sincerely interested into something the other person relates to (a noticable possession usually works well). Find something on or around your intended target and comment on it with sincerity.
Example: I’m feeling your shoes. Where did you get them from?

2) Reflectors: To keep a person talking, reflect back what they are saying. Paraphrase and/or attempt to deduce their meaning. The reflection technique shows them that you are listening. If you are able to deduce meaning, they will automatically feel a connection to you. It means that you get them and that’s GOLD  in terms of first impressions.
Example:
They Say – It took me forever to find these shoes.
You Say – You must have really wanted them to keep looking for so long. (You are paraphrasing their statement about their shoe search and deducing that they really wanted the shoes.

3) Segues: Make sure you change the topic of conversation before it goes stale, you will need to stay in control while still showing interest. Segues are a great way to penetrate into more intimate/personal topics.
Example: You seem to really know what you want in life. It makes me wonder what you do for a living.

4) Closers: Keep control of the conversation. Don’t let it sputter out. The best way to show a person you are interested and keep them interested is to end the conversation on your terms. I know this may sound odd but really this is to leave them wanting more before their excitement dies down.
Example: I really enjoyed this and wouldn’t mind continuing this later. Would you mind if we exchanged contact info and grab a coffee sometime.

People liked to be liked. If you are sincerely interested in someone, it shows. For those times when your conversation skills seem to be lacking, try one of the above techniques and see where you end up.

Swag

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