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Posts Tagged ‘Annoying’

Leading People On

In Attraction, Hate on September 9, 2010 at 1:56 pm

 written by Sway

But what? Wait...do you REALLY love him?/stylescientist.blogspot.com

Let’s keep it real ladies and gentlemen, it is cool to know when someone likes you. Finding out that someone thinks about you or wants you makes you feel good inside and can instantly boost your ego. But what you do when you discover someone has taken more interest in you than you have in them is important. You can do one of two options:

1) be an adult about the situation and express to the person how you really feel.

2) choose to lead them on with actions that don’t match your feelings.

Some may look at these two options as lose-lose situations.  Depending on the depth of their feelings for you, doing numero uno can cause unwanted drama and tension between you two. And doing the second option only digs you into a deep hole of deceit that you will have to find a way out of later.

So which one seems like the lesser of two evils…..Hhmmmm?

Clearly the answer is number 1. If you are in this sort of situation first ask yourself why you are leading this person on? Based on my experiences, there were only two reasons why I’ve done this in the past.

The first reason was I was bored with my dating life. There have been several occasions where I wasn’t really thrilled with my rotation of Time Fillers so I felt the need to add guys to the roster that really didn’t serve me any purpose but paying me attention.

The second and more likely reason, was because I was hurt. Hurt people hurt people, and most times I was hurting because I was still getting over a past relationship/break up. I’ve realized that the more hurt I was, the more likely I was to lead someone new in my life on, to fill the void and my broken heart.

At the end of the day, it all came down to me wanting attention. I wasn’t happy with my current dating situation and spending time with someone who was interested in me, made me feel better about it. But in actuality, once I realized someone felt more for me than I did them, there honestly wasn’t any good reason to keep them around because they would always expect more from the situation than I was willing to give. The mere act of us hanging out , came across as a sign that I liked them when it wasn’t the case. This was reason enough to consider letting them know the deal.  And when I actually did it, it was refreshing.

The cons: Yes, it was hard for me to have the conversation with the guy because it was difficult for me to figure out a way to let him know how I felt without coming across inconsiderate or mean. And yes, his feelings did get hurt. 

Here are the pros: I avoided hurting his feelings more, by having the conversation as soon as I realized how he felt. The conversation would have been ten times harder had I let it go on for too long. And eventually I would have had to find excuses for why I wouldn’t want to hang with him because it would have gotten to a point where I would be going through the motions. And probably the most beneficial pro would be that now that he knew where I stood, we could stop wasting time and use the time we were spending with each other to spend it with people who liked us just as much as we liked them.

So whenever you find yourself in this situation, just step up to the plate and tell them you only see them as a friend. If you’ve tried telling them how you feel based off actions alone and they still don’t get the hint, remember that this can be one of those situations where words speak louder than actions. In turn, you will really be saving yourself from a lot of unnecessary drama in the future. And if you feel bad about it,  just think of it as you doing a favor for both you and the other person. 🙂 

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Don’t Holler at Your Girl

In Attraction, Hate on July 16, 2010 at 4:34 pm
 
 

 This post is catered to the young females who will be going away to college this fall… 

“Ay ma!  Ayyy MA!….Aaaaayyyy MAAAAAA!…come here..”  A “distinguished young gentleman”  hollered at me from a black truck as I was walking by. What did I do? Kept it MOVING!

Some girls may consider it flattering when someone hollers at them. Well guess what? If a guy is shouting out to you, and telling (not asking) you to come over to his truck as he is sitting at a red light, that is NOT my idea of flattery.

*We won’t even discuss my personal favorite “holleration” of someone looking me straight in the eye and calling me out by the wrong color I’m wearing.. ie: They say “Ay girl in the red”  –but I’m wearing pink*

Let’s imagine that for every 15 girls these guys try to holler at, there are 2 to 3 girls that actually stop to listen to their advances. Damn those 2 to 3 girls, because they are the ones that keep the cycle perpetuating. These guys see that they are getting some sort of attention and even if the odds are against them, they probably figure that some attention is better than nothing.

Ladies know your self worth. Do yourself and other females a favor by not entertaining these guys. I do not care if he has a Beemer 6 Series,  a fresh line up, and looks like Idris Elba’s twin.  Seriously ask yourself, is this the way you deserve to be approached? If this guy thinks it’s acceptable to give you this kind of first impression, who knows how he would treat a relationship?

I remember going away to college and getting hollered at more in one day than I did over a few years at home (I really don’t mean to toot my own horn, but I’d like to think of myself as a PYT;-) ).It was so overwhelming at times mainly because I didn’t know how to respond. If I said “hi” and kept it moving, it seemed to create a false sense of hope that a conversation would follow when I knew it wouldn’t. Then the guys would usually get upset just because they thought the “hi” was an invitation to keep coming at me.

If I didn’t say anything at all, that still caused a bit of an issue. Usually guys would yell something smart to at me  and end the sentence with a profanity.

This is where electronics come handy.

Just put your headphones on and listen to music.

Or have your phone out and act like you are on a call…

AND PLEASE MAKE SURE YOUR PHONE IS ON SILENT SO THAT IF A CALL COMES IN, NO ONE WILL HEAR IT, OR ELSE THAT WILL DEFEAT THE PURPOSE OF “ACTING” LIKE YOU ARE ON A CALL….

This all takes preparation so make sure you have everything out before you walk down the street if you feel the holleration coming your way. You can usually spot it ahead of time if you see a group of guys staring your way you before you approach their area. 

Hope this helped a little…

What’s the worst way someone has hollered at you? And how did you handle the situation?

 Sway

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