Love Living, Quit Hating, Everyone Relating

Love & Money

In Uncategorized on March 17, 2011 at 2:46 pm

written by Swag

Today it struck me how similar my finances were to my relationship. I just finished reading this book called Millionaire by Thirty, a great book about young professionals and their finances.

First off, I want to be wealthy. Duh! Who doesn’t, right? I seek to attain and maintain a steady, prosperous cash flow. One that affords  my loved ones and I, great opportunity. If financial security is something I am willing to sacrifice for, then relationships can be no different.

My commitment to a healthy relationship should parallel my commitment to financial security.

My Checking Account
For the sake of this metaphor, passion equates to your checking account. You deposit and withdraw money on a fairly frequent basis. You buy things on impulse and you may even pay regular bills from this account. The reason why you don’t keep all your money here is because it doesn’t earn you anything. No checking account is going to have a huge return. Your relationship is the same way. If you invest only in passion, you will only have passion to draw upon in your times of need.

In a relationship, you fund your checking account with laughter, physical attraction and compatibility (all the easy, automatic things that don’t really take that much effort or planning in order to exist).

My Savings Account
Intimacy, on the other hand, is akin to a high yield savings account. It should be large enough to alleviate the need for you to count pennies whenever you impulse buy. It also provides a certain amount of security to alleviate most day-to-day worries.  If you aren’t budgeting well and you don’t have any savings, then you are probably familiar with that financial squeeze that happens at the end of every month.

Your intimacy account is funded with communication, empathy, and familiarity. As you begin to truly know your partner you become more comfortable with them which makes it easier to communicate your struggles and empathize with theirs.

Saving For a Rainy Day
Every relationship has a checking account and a savings account. The key is to know how you are funding each account. When a relationship is not funded properly, the inevitable rainy day throws everyone off track. What happens when you have your first argument and never learned how to communicate in a healthy manner? What happens when a your partner is laid off and is having a hard time finding work and you never learned to empathize?

When you invest in your relationship with communication and empathy (high growth rate), you are rewarded with trust, forgiveness, and growth. When you only fund your relationship with humor and attraction (no growth rate) you slowly deplete your funds and either get bored or resentful.

It makes sense to mainly fund the checking account when a relationship is first starting out. Passion is high, laughter abounds, and people can’t believe how compatible they seem. However, without a conscious plan to also fund their savings account and increase their level of intimacy, those same two people will never be able to withstand the pressures of conflict or struggle.

When you draw down from your checking account, it increases passion by promoting atmosphere and compatibility. When you draw down from your savings account, it increases intimacy by promoting effective communication and empathetic sacrifice. Relationships require both accounts to thrive in the long run.

Learn to analyze your partners savings loving habits so that you can avoid any bad investments.


  1. Note: This is part 5 in a 10-part sirees on Sex and Intimacy. Click here to read from the

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