Love Living, Quit Hating, Everyone Relating

Disliking Your Friend’s Significant Other Part 2

In Communication, Hate on December 13, 2010 at 10:30 am
 written by Sway

Can't we all just get along?.../tyra.com

 
 So you find out:

Your boy can’t stand your girlfriend.

or

Your best girlfriend reveals to you that they don’t like your boyfriend.

What to do? 

While “Part 1”  (click here)  focused on someone having to cope with one disliking their friend’s significant other, this post will focus primarily on the person in the relationship, who has to deal with their friend not liking their significant other. Is this you? Well before you accuse your friend of being envious of your great relationship, here are a few things to consider:

PROJECTION

How are you projecting your significant other to your friend?

Projection is everything when it comes to meeting someone for the first time. If you are in a situation where your friend has yet to meet your significant other, what you say about them prior to their meet is vital to their impression of them. Based off of what you say, your friend could already have their mind made up about how they feel about them well before they meet them.  And even if they’ve already met on good terms, then any later information you share about your relationship can affect their future feelings about them. Sharing positive information will most likely help your friend to gain respect for your bf/gf, while negative information will elicit criticism from them.

I’m not suggesting to lie or to choosing to not share things to your friend when something negative happens in your relationship. Your friends will be there for you to give you advice on anything, and sometimes you need that level headed, outside perspective to get you through the hard times. I am simply suggesting that when speaking of your significant other, be mindful of how you come across. If you only talk about your bf/gf to your friend when things are going bad in your relationship, then you can’t be upset at them for having a negative opinion on them.

POSITIVE vs. NEGATIVE

This is your relationship. Which means that you have the benefit of experiencing all faucets of your significant other. You not only see them at their worst but at their best.  Even if you divulged to your friend all the positives of your relationship, like the little cute idiosyncrasies your bf/gf does to make you smile, or all of the special sweet nothings they’ve said to you, or every nice thing they’ve done for you, they probably won’t keep track of it all.

Even if you were to mention a hundred and one good things your partner has done in your relationship, the bad things can end up being more memorable to your friend depending on severity. Why? Because bad things hold more weight. Think about it. I’m sure every bad thing that happens in your own relationship may go off as a red flag in your head. So imagine if you were to bring up every time your bf/gf annoys you, makes you angry, or does something wrong in your relationship, your friend may get such a negative impression of them that any good thing you tell them probably won’t make a difference.

PERSONALITY CONFLICT

There’s one thing that a positive perception can’t mediate: personality conflict. Sometimes for whatever reason, two people just don’t mesh well. This could be the case for your significant other and best friend. Maybe their personalities are complete opposites (like one is passive and the other is aggressive) or even, very similar. As ironic as it may seem, two people’s like personalities can easily be the catalyst for them to clash with each other because of their vast similarities.

Whatever the case, you can expect your friend’s negative perception of your bf/gf, on top of possible clashing personalities to make the situation even worse, which can lead to disaster. 

To think that tension and conflict will be present anytime your two favorite people are in the same vicinity, is enough to stress anyone out. So what to do if your situation falls into these categories? First, try speaking to them individually to see what issue each has with the other person. If the situation gets so bad that it has become torturous to hang out with them simultaneously, then it’s time to hash things out. Sit with both of them and try playing mediator. Be sure to let them know how important they both are to you (hence the reason for the sit-down). Since they both care about you enough to not want to stress you out, then maybe there will be a break through! You never know until you try it.

And if these factors aren’t the core of the problem, then lastly I want to introduce another possibility:

THEY ARE NOT GOOD FOR YOU

And this goes for your significant other. Did it ever cross your mind that your friend may dislike your bf/gf because they don’t think they are good for you? Maybe they’ve seen first hand accounts of your significant other not respecting you and it didn’t sit right with them. If you have a good friend, they will most likely voice their opinion about it because they have your best interest in mind. Re-evaluate your relationship. You may realize that your choice of a partner was the problem from the very beginning.

CLICK HERE FOR PREVIOUS POSTS

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  1. I think you’re right and I think you know what is in YOUR best iertensts even if you don’t want to admit it to yourself.

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