Love Living, Quit Hating, Everyone Relating

Disliking Your Friend’s Significant Other Part 1

In Communication, Hate on November 18, 2010 at 12:00 pm
 written by Sway

One of my exes half jokingly calls me a boyfriend hater. Why you ask? Well because there have been times I didn’t really care for some of the guys one of my best friends dated. Let’s just say there have been cases where I haven’t gotten along meshed well with some of her boyfriends because of personality conflict, lol. It’s not that I hated them (hate is such a strong word), I just wasn’t impressed by them.

And I know what you’re thinking…they don’t have to impress me, they have to impress her. She is a grown adult and  is always going to make her own decisions on who she feel is worthy of her.

But the thing is, that my bestie is simply amazing. She’s a honest, intelligent, enthusiastic, pretty, caring, driven, open-minded, dependable, independent, optimistic, and loving person. She has a positive, calming aura. A beautiful spirit. She’s fun to be around. She’s genuine and always has people’s best interests in mind. And on the friend front, she has been there for me through thick and thin, and inspires me to be a better friend. And these are just a few of many characteristics she encompasses. So of course I’m going to think there is someone out there better for her if I see her with someone who doesn’t match up to her many great qualities.  

So how do you balance having the slightest dislike of your friend’s significant other all while being supportive of their relationship? It’s a tricky situation indeed my friends. One thing you have to keep in mind that as the person outside of the situation, the complete picture of what you see in their relationship will always be clearer to you, so you may see things about your friend’s significant other that they may not choose to see. 

Also keep these two things in mind:

WHEN GIVING ADVICE

There will probably be times where your friend will vent to you about a situation they are going through with their significant other. They vent to you because they not only trust you, and want your insight, but because they are most likely trying to sort out their feelings before they approach their bf/gf about it. Be sensitive to their situation and give your best advice. Try to not to let any personal thoughts you have about their other half influence the type of advice you give them. Example:

    Your friend talks to you about how much their bf/gf doesn’t appreciate them. Don’t respond by saying “Yeah I always thought they were a loser anyways, you should just drop them.”

Instead, open a dialogue. Ask more questions to get an idea of what they are talking about. Better yet ask them if they have ever talked to their bf/gf about the situation, and encourage them to do so if they haven’t.

WHILE HANGING OUT

Depending on how close you and your friend are, there will probably be several situations where you have to be in the same social setting with your friend’s bf/gf. Though it may be challenging, the best thing to do is to is to keep things as amicable as possible. Now I’m not saying to act fake or plaster a phony smile at all times, but just keep things positive. There’s no reason to cause tension in what should be an otherwise fun situation.

You also need to keep in mind that when it comes to things your friend tells you about their relationship you are only really getting your friend’s perspective of the situation. Sure, you can formulate an opinion just on the information that you know from them, but remember that it will be biased.

For the situation with my friend, when it came to giving advice, I found myself telling her things she should do based off of what I would do if I were in her shoes. In the end I had to remind myself not to judge her if she didn’t choose to take my advice because: A) when it comes to relationships everything is easier said than done, and B) she is the one who is invested in the relationship, so her decisions affect her more so than me.

Despite what you feel towards their significant other, you essentially need to be supportive of your friend through their relationship’s ups and downs. At the end of the day for my friend’s relationship, I knew she would make decisions that she felt were best for her whether I agreed to it or not. And being her friend and support system, meant that I had to respect that!

Have you ever disliked your friend’s boyfriend or girlfriend? If so, how did you handle it?

Stay tuned for part 2…

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  1. […] “Part 1″  (click here)  focused on someone having to cope with one disliking their friend’s significant other, this […]

  2. What A relevant topic. It reminds me of the father daughter complex, where some fathers feel that noone will be good enough for their duaghter.

    • Yep, it is very similar to that! Just like a father or mother cares about the well being of their kids, friends care about their friends. People that are close to their friends probably see them as family, so they treat them as such.

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