Love Living, Quit Hating, Everyone Relating


In Uncategorized on October 21, 2010 at 8:00 am

 written by Swag  

Maybe it’s because I am close to the end of a particular stage in my life. Maybe it’s because I’m getting older. Maybe I am just ready. I’m not quite sure yet but I’ve been thinking about the idea of commitment much more frequently lately.

It has recently dawned on me that I don’t really understand what commitment is. I mean, you can be committed to having a good time with your partner but that doesn’t mean you are committed to staying with them for the long haul. If I am committed to the relationship, am I obligated to stay with someone who isn’t good for me? Am I obligated to stay in an unhealthy relationship?

For me to truly be committed in any relationship, I have to be committed to the growth of that relationship. I have realized that every relationship has its hiccups. Every couple has to deal with conflict in some form. I have also realized that conflict isn’t inherently bad. It can lead two committed individuals to more equal footing, to more stable trust, and to more intimate encounters. This is, of course, if the conflict is resolved in a positive manner.

In my eyes committment is actually a motivator. It’s based on a mutual acknowledgement of a desire to be better tomorrow than you are today with your significant other rather than without them.

Mutual Acknowledgement

Are my partner and I able to acknowledge our commitment towards a better future? Are we dealing with unequal commitment levels? Unfortunately, emotional investment is not directly correlated with commitment. For some people emotional investment occurs at an astonishing pace. They fall hard and they fall fast. They over invest, very quickly, in order to display and elicit a commitment level that has not yet manifested. While attempting to get their partners commit, individuals, who invest too soon, also work hard to convince themselves that they are committed. Rather than being committed to the growth of the relationship from an honest, trusting, and intimate standpoint, they are committed only to their fantasy of a relationship. A fantasy that usually does not involve any conflict or personal change. People dealing with this issue are usually seeking some form of permanent acknowledgement of their worthiness. A relationship is the best answer they have for the question: “How do I get love?”

Mutual acknowledgment is necessary because both individuals need to be willing to do what it takes to grow up as a person for the benefit of the relationship.

An “Us/We” perspective

Baby, I just got a raise. Now I can get that motorcycle I want.

Baby, we just got a raise. Now we can afford to buy a house.

The example above, is for simplicity’s sake. Being committed in a relationship means that you inevitably change the way you view and process the world and the events that occur around you. It’s more than just consideration for your partner’s feeling’s, it’s an ownership of their well-being and livelihood. I don’t want to minimize the importance of being a unique individual while in a relationship, but in regards to how you approach life, I would assume that self-preservation should become less of a priority. Mutual self-sacrifice should become the go-to tool for relationship success and not just a last resort. A better “me” can be the focal point but a better “us/we” is the big picture.

Future Focus

Not being committed to a better future in a relationship means stagnation. While the heart can be focused on the present with appreciation and joy, the mind must be focused on the future with awareness and honesty. Without this, it is very easy to fall into the trap of complacency and believe that the joys of today will guarantee tomorrow. As a relationship grows, the emotional investment required grows and when complacency sets in, investment in the relationship levels off. Why invest more than you currently are when you already have what you want?

Very rarely do two people invest equally, 100% of the time, but when the inequality is consistent over a long period of time, the relationship becomes like the IRS.If one person’s emotional investment levels off or dips, then the relationship is going to get taxed….heavily. Usually, the person who is still invested ends up shouldering that heavy burden. They pick up the slack with too much self-sacrifice and the burden bearer eventually becomes resentful for having to carry the full weight of the relationship. Being future focused means having the ability to anticipate what the relationship needs to grow in a healthy manner.

“Being in a committed relationship requires you to be motivated by love, not by fear.”


  1. You pinned it just right!

  2. Excelente!!! Respeto a la pronesa es lo mas importante…lo peor que puede hacer uno es cambiar su pronesalidad para agraciar al otro…Jenny

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