Love Living, Quit Hating, Everyone Relating

Love is Not An Obligation

In Uncategorized on October 6, 2010 at 8:00 am

written by Swag  

Have you ever felt like you are getting played for a fool in your relationship? You do so much to provide and care for your partner, but you aren’t getting jack in return. Not a back rub. Not a thank you. Not even a considerate thought. Well, why are you still so heavily invested? Probably because you feel obligated to continue. There is some small voice in you that says love should weather the tough times. Even though the relationship is not equal, you continue mixing your blood, sweat and tears with pain, heartache and disappointment.

But LOVE IS NOT AN OBLIGATION. No one is ever obligated to love someone. Which means you are free to choose the most appropriate route to love. You are also free to choose the most appropriate form of love. You can not find love, for it is never lost. It is not something that comes and goes, rather it is used or not. Love is alive and you need to feed it accordingly.

Love is mutually empathetic.

We have all heard some version of the phrase: “Love goes both ways”. Well I don’t think it means if I get love then I must give love or vice versa. I think it means that if I am to extend Love to you, then I must also extend it to myself. There is way too much emotional S & M going on in modern relationships. A good number of people are too busy giving away all the love they have, that they end up with none to exercise on themselves.  The hardest part of true love is that it requires you to maintain two relationships. The one you have with yourself and the one you have with your partner. Learning to love each equally is probably the most difficult enterprise any man or woman will ever undertake (not including childbirth).

Love is knowing when to let your loved one suffer.

When your love is truly empathetic, you will find that you share in the pain and the glory of your loved ones. When they suffer, you suffer. When they are elated, you are ecstatic. The problem is not feeling what they feel. The problem is attempting to end their suffering when it’s necessary for growth. This is merely a selfish attempt at being selfless. When the emotional floodgates are opened, we are vulnerable to our partners feelings, so when they are in pain, we are in pain. Subconsciously, we would like to end their suffering because we believe if their suffering ended, we can both be happy again. So we suffer for them instead of with them.

In the name of selflessness, we alleviate their pain, by increasing our own. That’s not so bad, right? But what if your partner was physically injured. The injury is synonymous with some area of their life where they need to grow, whether it be a character flaw or a past pain. Instead of letting them go to physical therapy and getting stronger, you decide that you don’t like to see them in pain (necessary pain required to regrow emotional muscle). You end up going to physical therapy for them because you feel like it would be easier for you to endure than it would for them, even though they need it and you don’t.

Love doesn’t love people. People love people.

Love doesn’t just happen. It’s a choice but even when we choose to love another individual, it doesn’t mean we know how to love. Love is not attached to any emotion. Ask any married person you know (or ask yourself), and they will tell you that they don’t always like their spouse, but they will love them “for better or for worse.” How can you always know how to love your partner? Well that depends upon your partner and the state of your relationship. When done right, love provides a sense of joy and peace untouched by ordinary emotion. Maybe that’s why we all crave it so much.

“A little tough love never hurt anybody…..for too long.”

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