Love Living, Quit Hating, Everyone Relating

Relationship Desperation

In Courting, Love on September 21, 2010 at 9:00 am

written by Sway

 

 

Meeting someone who enjoys you as much as you do them, has time for you, and is ultra compatible with you sounds like a dream right? While, these factors are needed for any successful relationship, they can also be signs that the person you are dating has relationship desperation. So how can you tell if the qualities of the person you’re seeing stem from desperation? Check out the acronym for DESPERATION below for a better understanding:

Determined to find Mr./Mrs. Right by yesterday – This person has one mission in mind and that mission is to find a significant other. They are on the hunt for this person much like they would search for a job!

Eager to have a significant other, even if that person isn’t very compatible – Once this person starts dating you, they try to dismiss all red flags (look here and here for examples) or anything that would show them that they aren’t compatible with you. If they do acknowledge any flags, they will justify them because they want to believe that you are right for them, despite knowing deep down inside that you aren’t.

Spends excessive amounts of money on youThey may buy you expensive gifts or want to take you on romantic vacations early on in the relationship or while you are still in the dating stage. They use material items as a distraction to try to lure you in, emotionally. This in turn shows that they are trying to over compensate for the relationship. They use these gifts as a substitute for any genuine emotional attachment from you.

Something's definitely not right if you receive a car after a month of dating!

Presumptuous with actions – They will assume everything means something because they want it to. Going on a couple dates to them means that sooner rather than later you’ll want to enter a relationship with them, when all along you could just be trying to get to know them and have a good time. They also take anything you say and twist it to mean whatever they want it mean. Example:

You say: “I liked hanging out with you, we should do it again soon.”

They think: “He/she really likes me, maybe I should make it official soon.” (Okay this may be a stretch, but you get the idea)

Excessive dater – This person’s little black book is bursting at the seams with numbers and everyone in it is someone who either is a “prospect” or someone they may have tried to take things further with in the past. No sooner than when they are coming home from a first date are they trying to schedule date #2, 3, and 4. Once they realize the person they are seeing doesn’t want to take things further they are on to the next one.

Relentlessly tries to keep in touch with you – And oftentimes they do it at inappropriate times. They may call, first thing in the morning, consistently to have a conversation. Or they call/text excessively, multiple times a day, to talk to you or to “check on you”. This is also a sign of insecurity so beware.

Aggressive behavior – They will stress how much they like or care for you early in the relationship and impose those feelings on you (Heaven forbid they tell you that they love you before your 4th date!) They see no reason to wait to meet your family or for you to wait to meet theirs. They may seem pushy or controlling when it comes to your emotions and feelings.  They not only want to be included in your social circle, but in all aspects of your life.

Thirsty for a companionship – This person becomes attached to you very quickly. They thrive off your companionship early on in dating and want to see you everyday. They want you to adjust their schedule so that it always includes you and expect you to do the same.

Insistent on making long-term plans prematurely – They suggest doing things that long-term couples do, like going on trips alone (Bed and Breakfast weekend getaways anyone?), always going on romantic fancy dinners, or even you spending the night with them upon first dating. They are so quick to jump into relationship mode with you that they may subconsciously and automatically start thinking you guys are already in a relationship and will begin to treat you like they would a bf or gf.

Overly nice and a people pleaser – They agree with you on everything, not only to avoid argument, but because they believe it will make you like them more. They don’t want any conflicts to develop so that it seems you are both compatible with each other.

Needy of your time and emotions –  They always want to see you. And on the emotional front, you always seem to find them asking you how you feel about them or the relationship. Insecurity drives their need for consistent reassurance about your feelings for them.

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  1. ahhh…very interesting!!

  2. Interesting indeed. One of my friends is desperate to get a girlfriend. He’s 24 and never had one! Right now he is very shy and insecure. I wonder how he will behave when he finally has a relationship. Maybe then, I need to show him this post…

    • Hmmm….you may have inspired a new post. I would say he should enjoy dating first because he probably has no idea how to truly assess compatibility.

    • I agree with Swag, Elanor. He should definitely enjoy dating first. And because I believe that dating can sometimes be practice for a relationship, he could definitely benefit from seeing this post now. It’s quite possible that the reason he hasn’t had a girlfriend is because he could have some of the qualities listed here. Once he becomes more secure with himself he will get over his shyness and attract more girls with his confidence. You’ve given me an idea for another post too..lol!

  3. I have got an ex boyfriend who has most of the factors stated above. Didn’t know he is suffering from relationship desperation till I came across this blog post. I am kinda glad we are over now…

    Was wondering how you came up with such interesting post, have you personally encounter it in your life too? Love reading both of your blog posts. Keep posting 😀

    • Hey Sammie!

      This post was inspired by relationships I’ve seen as well as one I was in a long time ago. In the past I’ve mistaken someone’s acts of desperation for them really wanting me or liking me, until I realized where their signs of clingyness stemmed from. This post is for anyone who is not only dealing with someone with these symptoms, but for anyone who may recognize these symptoms within themselves (Yes, sometimes we are the problem, and we do have to check ourselves)!

      Just be glad you don’t have to deal with that anymore. Thanks so much for commenting! And keep on reading:-)

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