Love Living, Quit Hating, Everyone Relating

Knowing When It’s Over

In Uncategorized on August 13, 2010 at 9:00 am

Why is it that people insist on dragging relationships way past their expiration dates. I mean would you keep a carton of expired milk in the fridge and pour yourself a fresh, lumpy glass every morning. I doubt it. So why do so many of us subject ourselves to tainted relationships day in and day out. I can think of a few reasons why and while the first two seem well-intentioned they are really misguided.

1) You don’t want to hurt the other person: This makes sense if you have been together for a while. Just because you aren’t compatible in the romantic sense doesn’t mean you don’t care for the other person. You have had your fair share of ups and downs but overall you will always wish them well. The relationship has run it’s course and it is time to move on. It’s time to change the tone of this relationship. If you don’t want to send them down a spiral of depression, then even though it will take time, you should continue to be friends with them. Most likely, you no longer want to be intimate with them for a particular reason and if you allow them to enter into another relationship making those same mistakes, then….well….you suck. When possible, turning old relationships into friendships can be very rewarding. It helps people grow up.

2) You want to make it work: Having yet to decide on how far gone the relationship actually is, you are looking to duke it out for as long as possible. You’ve invested so much time already, it would be a waste to just flush it all away. All you are really doing is holdng on to that last thread of hope. Ask yourself whether the other person is putting in as much work as you are. Then ask yourself how long you are willing to let the relationship be that lopsided. Then ask yourself why you keep drinking spoiled milk? WHY?? I’m just saying.

3) You don’t want to seem like the bad guy: Alright, I get it. You can’t sully the family name with a reputation like douchebag heartbreaker, right? The problem is, you are only delaying a foregone conclusion. IT’S INEVITABLE. Emotionally and mentally, you have already checked out, so what’s the use of going through the motions. It’s the same situation as number 1, except much more self-serving. All you care about is looking like a bad guy because you probably don’t believe you actually are (note: you may actually be the bad guy). Either way, you can’t control how someone else leaves the relationship. If they leave begging, kicking, screaming, loathing, or cursing, that’s on them. If the breakup hits them like a bag of bricks then maybe you need to work on your communication skills but if they can see down the rabbit hole too, then chuck up the dueces and go do you. I mean even Chris Brown’s reputation bounced back…..kinda…..

4) Having you cake and eating it too: The reason you are carrying on, half-assing it in your relationship is because…well…the other person serves a purpose. You aren’t fully invested, you are just unwilling to put the work in to earn your current benefits elsewhere. So you march to the beat, hoping the other person won’t notice your lack of enthusiasm. Maybe the sex is worth the trouble. Maybe they are helping you pay some bills. Maybe you are lonely without a partner so you keep the worst one around to placate yourself. WOW!! You are one, selfish person! Everybody serves a purpose to somebody. That’s fine, but if your relationship is not recipricol or if it is based on half-truths and scandalous sex, then it’s high time you ended this game of charades.

Regardless of when the relationship is over, let it be over. Sometimes new types of relationships are born out of the ashes. Other times we just need to move on. Most of us know when this happens, but sometimes we convince ourselves otherwise. We think that it isn’t ok for relationships not to work. Sometimes, relationships are just learning experiences. How many of us look back and actually believe our junior high and high school flings were meant to be. So take all this with a bucket grain of salt and realize, if the end has come and gone, stop acting like you don’t know it’s over.

 Swag   

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  1. […] I have been both the initiator of break ups as well as the recipient in my past experiences, and let me tell you, neither is easy to handle. Of course the times where I was the recipient were hard periods of my love life. I still wanted to be in those relationships and felt like somewhere along the line I had failed as a girlfriend. There were many times where I felt like I was the reason for the break up. I would beat myself up for things not working out and took things personally. But at the end of the day I had to realize that sometimes it’s not about me. Sometimes you can do any and everything to keep a relationship together but it all comes down to being compatible with the needs and wants of the person you are with. If your needs and wants out of a relationship don’t match the needs and wants of your partner, then it’s inevitable that the relationship won’t last. […]

  2. Oct20richard I have aalyws striven to look upon relationships as freely given and freely accepted.

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