Love Living, Quit Hating, Everyone Relating

The Grass is Greener

In Uncategorized on August 9, 2010 at 10:34 am

I wonder how much songs influence you when you are younger? Just like television and movies, music has a profound impact on the way people expect their lives to progress. For me, there was one song in particular that greatly affected my idea of relationships. 

 

Usher’s “You make Me Wanna…” was a great song. I used to listen to it on repeat and till this day, it is one of the only songs I can actually sing along too (I’m not much of lyrics person). Anyway, as great as it was, the song was poisonous to my young, impressionable mind. I began to think about love as this passionate force that made you do things you couldn’t control. In fact, I had a couple of relationships that ended mainly because I was crushing on someone else. It was all because of those damn lyrics. 

“Make me wanna leave the one I’m with, Start a new relationship with you.” 

Nowadays I don’t think I’m all that unique. Guys in general seem to be subject to the ‘Grass is Greener (on the other side)’ or GiG effect. I would say that it’s probably a combination of factors that feed this attitude: 

1) Modern’s society’s obsession with Romanticism – We tend to marry based on whether we love someone, but our definition of love is skewed by fantasies and fairy tales. Love is a choice to consistently value someone and even though we use the word it’s never unconditional because we subconsciously condition our Love on our initial happy feelings. Why-oh-why do we think those butterflies will last? Silly Rabbit, Love is for grownups. 

2) An ingrained belief that women are property – A large portion of our society’s history has treated women as property. If the belief pattern persists, then men will continue to try to appraise the women they date. While, there is something very wrong with women being property, there isn’t anything wrong with owning someone’s heart. But will men give theirs return? Hopefully he isn’t accepting the heart because that’s the quickest way to the cookie jar

3) An Oversexualized Culture – If men are the appraisers of a woman’s total worth (only if a woman let’s them), and sex appeal is the unit of measurement, then when a man becomes used to a female, her sex appeal will inevitably diminish. Placing too much value in sexual passionate feelings and not enough in loving actions will make any man a fiend. There is nothing like a good video vixen/sex tape star to make me feel like my girl isn’t slutty adventurous enough. 

4) I want what’s not mine….yet – Once my girl’s sex appeal diminishes, everyone elses raises in comparison. The grass become greener in comparison, not in actual value. If I was mature, I would know what it means to truly value a woman. But if my value system is off then I’ll always look for the for the next big fix. Like a child, new toys are always more exciting than old ones. The problem is new toys inevitably become old. 

Here in lies the issue, fellas. If you are caught in the ‘Grass is Greener’ cycle, you will forever look at another’s yard and see better vegetation, but the GiG effect is all smoke and mirrors. It actually arises from your inability to properly value what you already have. Your yard looks like crap because you haven’t been maintaining it. Relationships are living, breathing manifestations of love and I suggest you do a little fertilizing before you go searching for new land to conquer. 

 Swag 

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  1. Very well written. Also, very well thought out. I agree that the media has, and probably always will, play a major part in how men react to a women. Having your computer desktop of Kim Kardashian’s hips set as the background of your computer, while Lil’ Kim raps methodically about her tricks with a Sprite can, will make any man wonder what he’s missing out on. The GiG(or the 80-20), is a cycle that’s meant to be broken. It’s a cycle that inevitably WILL be broken by a vast majority of men. It’s a matter of time.

    A lesson my father always drove into me, was that maturity WILL set in. Either by choice and action….or by life. Life, is the hard way. Something major will happen. You’ll be forced to grow up. Me? I got kicked out of my house. But the values you held near and dear will be replaced by values of success and drive. Along with those new values, comes the desire to make life just a little easier. So, the drama will no longer appeal. I know we all say we HATE drama….but it’s never really a deal breaker. It will be once we mature a bit.

    So, to summarize, GiG will eventually be broken. It’s just a matter of time………..and ease. The decision is up to the person in the relationship.

  2. *bump* so I can add my real email. lol.

  3. […] Grass is Greener – It’s obvious Ron wanted to roam. He wanted to enjoy his time in Miami as a single guy. But what he saw was the opportunity to have his cake and eat it too. He realized he could go hard at the club and still come home to Sam. He would get drunk to have an alibi  (I don’t remember) and he would get pissed off every time Sammi and him went out together so he could feel justified (Look how bitchy she is, I don’t deserve this). Not being completely invested changed the way he valued her as a person. […]

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