Love Living, Quit Hating, Everyone Relating

Swag’s Sound Off: I Can’t Read Your F’ing Mind!

In Sound Off on August 4, 2010 at 9:41 am

Call Me Now!I have no desire to be Miss Cleo’s male counterpart and I don’t wish I was psychic either. So if we are dating and something is wrong with you then I’m not going to be able to read your mind. You will need to figure out the reasons why and communicate them so I can know what’s up .

We aren’t playing TABOO, so I don’t want any hints and we aren’t playing CLUE, so don’t give me any of those either.

If we have been together for a while, then sooner or later I will be able to translate your subtle behavior. I’ll probably know how you are feeling just by looking at you. I am not blind and can obviously see when you are distressed.

Despite all this though, I still won’t know exactly why you feel the way you do at any given time.

Long term relationships cause us to be around our significant others so much that we end up believing we can mind read. We feel like we know everything there is to know about them and then expect them to know the same about us. This is not only an unreasonable expectation, it’s unfair.

I have absolutely fallen into this trap before. There are times when I forget my girlfriend is even a different person. Sometimes I forget to tell her things because I assume I have already told her. How did she find out? When did I tell her? Did she find out through osmosis?

It’s at those times when I realize I am not only taking our communication channels for granted, I am also taking her personhood for granted. We can be with people for so long that we end up considering them extensions of ourselves. But one of the most important things you can do to sustain your relationship is value your partner as a human being with their own thoughts, feelings, and behavior patterns. Believing your significant other can read your mind is the same thing as believing they see the world exactly as you do. You are discounting who they are and how they perceive the world as a complete person separate from you entirely.

If you communicate with me then I can learn to empathize with your feelings and be more considerate. Hint at me and all I learn is that I have done something wrong. I don’t learn what, why, or how it affects you. You can either treat me like a adult and ask me to step up to the plate or treat me like a child and punish me with scornful looks and uncomfortable atmospheres. Either way, I am going to react accordingly so please, PLEASE…don’t play games.



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