Love Living, Quit Hating, Everyone Relating

Holding on to That Thread of Hope

In Relationships on July 29, 2010 at 4:16 pm
battlebetweenrealitynfairytale.blogspot.com

Your girl Sway has had her share of break-ups and heartache throughout her love journey. In the situations where  I still wanted to be with my ex after the break-up,  I would always go through a period of wondering if we were ever going to get back together again. The window of time where I felt this way varied for different exes, but after I got past the fact that things wouldn’t be like before, I finally allowed myself the mindset needed to heal and move forward.

It’s good and necessary to evaluate an old relationship when it comes to what worked and what improvements could have been made.  But if you’re holding on to an expired relationship, then you’re not only holding yourself back from enjoying your life to its fullest,  but also from meeting someone new.

Sometimes when it’s over, it’s over.

The getting-over-it period is likely to last longer if you are dealing with the end of a relationship you aren’t ready to dismiss.  We have all heard people say:  “it takes time, eventually your heart will heal again”. This advice, cliche but true, is great, but what about when the desire for your ex doesn’t go away?

Here’s an analogy I’ve created that describes the situation:

<The symbol of the bond that you and your partner have created over time to form a relationship is a thick rope made of several thin fibers. You holding one end of the rope and your partner holding the other, symbolizes that both parties are committed and invested in the relationship. If your partner breaks up with you, they have let go of the rope.  If you are still invested, then you are still holding on. As time passes and you begin to get over the break up, the thin fibers you are holding (that made the relationship so strong) gradually begin to wear and detach themselves from the thick rope.                                                                                                                                         
    Each time you make a stride towards getting past the relationship, whether it be, not talking to your ex as much, or deleting emails that remind you of them, the fibers strip themselves from the rope. Eventually you find that what was once a strong rope is now a piece of thread. Now you are at the point where you feel like you can finally move forward. But before you move forward, there is one last thing you must do…….you must let go of that thread of hope.>

Sure the thread appears thin and fragile and doesn’t seem to do any damage, but it can be quite the opposite. This thread is the last piece of the relationship. It’s the last piece of hope. You are holding on to something that you and your ex created. And not only is your ex not invested in it any longer, but it no longer exists.  (That alone would make someone want to let go of the thread, but remember that wanting and doing are two different things.)

As time progresses, you should be noticing that you feel less for the relationship and your ex, not more. If you find that you are feeling a great amount of passion for your ex after what you would consider to be a long time, then you are still holding on. This is more detrimental to you than anything.

Once you realize you want to let go, determine what you need to do to make it happen for yourself. If you try different things and realize nothing is working then try something new. Do you still hang with your ex? Are you still in communication with them? If so, then cut it off. It’s very drastic I know. But drastic measures yield drastic results and in this case, you may need it. Having peace of mind is more important than anything else.

 Sway

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  1. I just wanted to say that I LOVED THIS BLOG!!!! I recently terminated a relationship with someone and I realized that I had a hard time letting him go. I read this blog on yesterday, 8/11/10, and then the light bulb came on. I didn’t recognize how much I was holding on to him until I read and understood the analogy with the rope. I understood that was I was doing unconsciously was holding on to the thread of hope. Thanks so much for sharing this. It really helped me out. Peace and blessings to you.

    • That is SO good to hear Jessica! I’m glad you had the courage to do that. I’m sure it was hard but trust me, it will definitely show to be beneficial to you in the future.
      And thanks for reading…be sure to come back for more:-)

    • Thank you so much for commenting. This blog was created to help people conceptualize their relationships…old and new.

      I’m glad you have gained something from reading and if there is something you would like to hear about, please don’t hesitate to drop us a line at loveh8relate@gmail.com

  2. […] so much time already, it would be a waste to just flush it all away. All you are really doing is holdng on to that last thread of hope. Ask yourself whether the other person is putting in as much work as you are. Then ask yourself how […]

  3. […] to myself just to continue to invest in a relationship that was already crumbling. I was very much holding on to something that had dissipated. This only brought me more emotional turmoil. Luckily I was […]

  4. I had a case in life. My friend lost in a real casino the house. Wife left and took the children and the work he had lost. But as another friend once told him that at online casinos, he won a car! Well, first friend went to Internet cafes to register with the casino, got free chips for $ 10 and won in 2 hours which was enough money to rent an apartment. Then he won both the home and car, but his wife has not returned! Because he met a girl who did not cast him into trouble and was close! That is life, my friends!

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  6. Del. I’m sorry – error topic…

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