Love Living, Quit Hating, Everyone Relating

The Definition of a Time Filler

In Relationships on July 20, 2010 at 9:45 pm

"The Bachelor" Jake Pavelka & his conquests

You know when you are single and there are multiple people you are entertaining, playing the field with, or talking to? I’ve come up with a name for these people. These people you are juggling are your time fillers.

Ahh the time fillers…the fillers of time. The definition is pretty self explanatory. It’s someone of the opposite sex who you chill or hang out with, to help pass the time. Time fillers are multiple people you have in rotation between the post and pre-relationship period.

My friend and I used to have a running joke that we were “coaches” and each of our time fillers were “players” on our “team”. Just like each “player” plays a different position, each time filler serves their own purpose and time depending on what role they play for you. Here are the different kinds of time fillers I have come across:

The Conversationalist

This person is the one you can chat it up with. This is the easiest time filler to have without them living in your vicinity. The conversationalist can even be someone that lives in the next town over or across the country. This time filler can be much like a best friend in the way you both are like minded, can talk about a variety of topics (i.e. dreams, goals, wants, likes, dislikes, etc) and love each others’ conversation. You may even feel comfortable calling them up just to vent (sometimes about other time fillers, if you are really comfortable with them!). This person most likely provides the type of intellectual conversation you may be attracted to if nothing else.

The Hang Out Buddy

The Hang Out Buddy is simply that. This is a person who you may have some attraction to but things never get past the flirtation zone. The Hang Out Buddy is your personal “back up plan”–usually the one you can count on when the other time fillers aren’t available. You two go different places together that may look like dates to an outsider: movies, dinner, Six Flags, concerts, etc. You know you don’t have to try too hard around this person because you two have reached a certain comfort level with each other from hanging out so much.

The Cuddle Buddy aka The Sleepover Buddy

The Cuddle Buddy is one who you have more of a physical attraction to. You hang with this person like you would with the Hang Out Buddy but there is more of a chance that the night with them continues well after the outing. You feel comfortable being in their presence and your physical intimacy almost makes it seem like you two were in a relationship. Depending on the level of intimacy you two share, this person may be one notch away from being a Cut Buddy.

The Cut Buddy aka Mr. or Miss Overnight Bag

This may be the most well known type of Time Filler, most commonly known as “friend with benefits”. This is the person who you are the most sexually attracted to. The physical sparks between you and this person are electrifying. As a result, this person is probably called upon only when you have that “certain” physical need or desire. It has become regular practice to meet up with this them, overnight bag in tow and there are no surprises because they know the drill.

Because the Cuddle Buddy and Cut Buddy are so closely related, they could be the same person. Also out of all the types of time fillers, this is the one that has the highest chance of ending up in messy territory. Good boundaries will need to be declared before hand, just in case one person starts to expect more from the situation than the other (good boundaries are much definitely easier said than done).

But in all honesty, any one of these time fillers types can overlap into another. Your Cut Buddy could easily be your Conversationalist. Your Cuddle Buddy could mix the qualities of the Conversationalist and the Hang Out Buddy. On the flip side, your Cut Buddy could be just a Cut Buddy. Although, in my experiences I’ve found that the my time fillers usually served more than one purpose/category.

With that said, it’s beneficial to have more than one time filler. Depending on one person to be everything for you could lead a to situations where you catch heavy feelings and eventually want more of a commitment or relationship with them (or vice versa). And we all know there’s nothing worse than wanting someone when they only see you as a buddy. Remember the idea of having time fillers is not to play people and hurt feelings. The idea is that you are single, secure, and NOT looking for a relationship. You just want to enjoy time spent with people that are compatible with you in different ways.

Ladies and gentlemen, in a perfect situation, you would have a complete “team” with every “position” filled. When you are dating, there is nothing wrong with having different people to be entertained by until you are ready for a relationship and meet the person that can be everything you want all in one. 🙂



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  2. […] life. There have been several occasions where I wasn’t really thrilled with my rotation of Time Fillers so I felt the need to add guys to the roster that really didn’t serve me any purpose […]

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