Love Living, Quit Hating, Everyone Relating

Forgiveness & Vindication

In Hate, Love on July 19, 2010 at 9:13 am



You know, Sway’s been speaking some truth about Emotional Baggage over on the Bag Lady post. It got me wondering though. Why is it so hard for people to love, let live and forgive.

Do you feel vindicated when you don’t forgive someone as if you are enacting some righteous punishment? Do you feel justified for hating the person who has wronged you?

Forgiveness is not reconciliation. You don’t have to make amends and you aren’t required to be friends. Forgiveness is also not forgetting what happened (that’s called psychological repression – like a backed up toilet, it will come back to haunt you).

What I mean is authentic, peace enducing  forgiveness. Some of us may even need to forgive ourselves as well. Below are three ways to help you stop emotionally prosecuting those who have wronged you and move forward with your life.

1) Reframe the situation – Bad things happen to everybody. It’s not  a matter of what happened but how you react. It may be difficult to do at first but try telling yourself it was meant to be this way. The Good and the Bad allowed you to refine what standards you can and cannot compromise.

2) Do You – Seriously, just DO YOU!! Stop worrying about past, present and future relationships. No person is completely defined by the interactions they have with others. Which means your worth isn’t completely based on having a significant others in your life. Many of us seek appreciation in others because it’s hard to value ourselves. Go try something you have never done before. Pursue a talent or hobby that has been waiting for some love. Don’t wait for the emotions to pass, make them pass by replacing them with better emotions.

3) Set Standards not Sentences – If you’ve been hurt, then most likely you will create standards and beliefs that will help you to avoid being hurt again. Smart and reasonable, I say. What you can’t do is make your standards a life sentence. If the next person that comes along doesn’t measure up to your standards when you meet them, most likely they never will. Stick to your guns and don’t sacrifice for the sake of ‘what-if”, ‘maybe’, or ‘they can change.’

Swag

Note – Forgiveness is just as necessary in a relationship as it is after one.

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